The Heart Process

Here are some thoughts I wrote down as I processed during Christmas break in considering  where the Lord was leading me next. One of many beautiful things I have gleaned from the daily offering up of my hearts plans and considerations before God, is that often His greatest concern is our heart process - is us taking our all to Him. Not us getting a specific yes or no answer to a future plan. I love Him and His individual, caring heart:

I feel SO called - but to nowhere in particular.

Will I respond as I did when my idea of becoming a vet was taken away? Then, I settled on teaching as a goal because I racked my brain and couldn't think of anything else HUMANLY POSSIBLE that I would be capable of. Maybe I waited a few painful weeks for an answer about what God's next was after removing vet school. But somewhere along the way I must have assumed it was up to me - I have to do SOMETHING.

That's exactly the conclusion that Saul came to at the very beginning of his reign when he chose to sacrifice rather than wait for the man of God and the time of God. I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. It is an attitude that assumes God ISNT doing and ISNT saying. It is an attitude which assumes when God speaks a promise He is not the one fulfilling the word He has spoken - which from the very first verses of the Bible we know is not true.

My idea of this next year is gone. Will I panic again and say "I have to do SOMETHING."? If Ravencrest is just a something, I don't want to do it because it won't be valuable. God has an idea for what He wants to do with my life and the direction He wants to set it on. I don't want to take my life back into my own hands at this crucial intersection. God has stopped me in my tracks - removed one plan - and given me silence. Lord, this silence is an opportunity to pause and trust You. This silence, it's an opportunity to see Your word come through by Your creative work, not my manipulative reactions. In this pause, I have a choice between handing you all my plans and trusting You to work out Your glory, or assuming the responsibility myself to get what I perceive to be Your work done in the way I assume You want to do it. Only Ishmael's are born of this heart.

I don't want my life creating Ishmael's Lord. I don't want to respond reflexively. Ravencrest, as I examine the option, seems to provide a place for me to exercise and grow into more of my identity as I've seen You reveal it to me, and simultaneously lead others into being grown more into who You've made them. But if it's not where You have me now it's not where I want to be. Take me Lord, and take me somewhere - but nowhere without You. May I never take steps because I think You're taking too long. May I never respond out of unbelief


If you go to RC - will it make you more yourself?
Yes Lord, I believe it will.
If you go to RC - will it lead others in growing into more of themselves?
Lord, with Your blessing, I hope so.
Then it is a good place to go.